Finding Common Ground, Talking to People We Don’t Agree With

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Talking to each other about controversial topics like climate change, can rapidly get too hot to proceed. Especially, when we are talking to people we don’t agree with.  Unfortunately, over the last 25 years we as a nation have become even more polarized politically.  This polarization adds tension to difficult yet necessary conversations.  We have to start finding common ground and bridge this widening gap to effectively address climate change and other issues together.  But how? How do we even begin to talk to people we don’t agree with? 

One day, this question led me to Braver Angels’ website.  Braver Angels is a non profit organization devoted to bringing people across the political spectrum together to help reunite our country.  They host workshops, debates, podcasts, and national campaigns for unity.  Their organization was originally called Better Angels and was started in December 2016 in response to the divisive Presidential election.  They changed their name to Braver Angels in 2020, “to reflect the courage needed to bridge the divide.”

Braver Angels, Interview with Dr. Steve Warshaw

Eager to learn more about their work, I reached out to the Braver Angels State Coordinators of my home state, North Carolina.  Recently, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Steve Warshaw.  He is the Blue State Coordinators of North Carolina. He shares the role with Krishana Polite, the Red State Coordinator of North Carolina.   Braver Angels distinguishes people based on their political leanings, “Blue” people lean Democrat/Liberal, and “Red” people lean Republican/Conservative.

Before our interview, I was unaware that Dr. Warshaw and I share a connection.  For over thirty years, he worked at North Carolina School of Science and Mathematics (NCSSM) and retired in 2015 as the Vice Chancellor for Academic Programs. I am an alumni of NCSSM, and was a student there during his career at NCSSM.  This made me more excited for the opportunity to interview Dr. Warshaw, a distinguished Unicorn! (Yes, our mascot is a Unicorn and it is magical!)

Prior to his career at NCSSM, Dr. Warshaw graduated with his Ph.D from Yale University in Ecological and Evolutionary Biology.  He served in the U.S. Navy.  He also previously worked for the Texas Water Quality Board, Texas Water Development Board, and Hardin [Texas] Independent School District.

The following interview has been edited for length and clarity.

What do you do as a State Coordinator for Braver Angels?

Well there are several components to the job. It is kind of like what my job was at Science and Math (NCSSM). There are certain responsibilities that I have but also lots of opportunities to create things and choose projects.  The basic duties are to greet new Braver Angels Members in North Carolina and help them find out what they’d like to do within the organization.  I am also a part of the Braver Angels Alliance of Central North Carolina, or BAACNC.  Our alliance includes the triangle which is made up of the cities Raleigh, Durham, and Chapel Hill.  We have a very active alliance here.  The alliance has made North Carolina one of the most active states in Braver Angels in the country. 

What would be five tips you would give to somebody who wants to start finding common ground?

1. Make it a point to listen to people on “the other side.” 

Either talking with them if you have friends or family.  Or listening to media people like people with Fox News or people with CNN who have a definite political slant. So, get a sense of both their ideas and mainly in personal interactions ask, why do they feel the way they do about things?

2. Think about your feelings.

What do you think and what do you feel about people on the “other side”?  What personal experiences do you have that cause you to feel that way? Was it the way your parents taught you? Is it current groups that you are in? The bubble that you are in on social media, and all those sort of things.  What feeds your reluctance to reach out and try to find ways in which you can communicate and perhaps work together? This is what the Depolarizing Workshop from Braver Angels does.

3. Hone your skills for communicating.

If you are going to talk to someone on the other side, you each have to have a reason for talking with each other. If they have absolutely no interest in doing that, there is no point in pursuing it. But if both of you are interested, then develop some skills for both speaking and listening. 

When you want to respond, paraphrase what the other person has said.  For example, you may state “this is what I heard you say.” Also, agree with whatever you can. “I hear you saying such and such and I feel that way too.” Use “I” Statements. Rather than saying “Trump voters, blah blah blah.”  You can say, “I feel that people who support Trump are missing an important point or something like that.” It is “I that feels that way,” not for instance, “most Trump supporters are missing the boat.” That is not the way to do it.

4. Fourth or maybe even tip number 1, Join Braver Angels!

As a part of Braver Angels, I’ve attended both of the annual conventions. At the conventions, everyone wears a lanyard, either a blue, red, or white lanyard.  (Blue lanyards for those who lean Democrat/Liberal, and red lanyards for those who Lean Republican/Conservative) If you are a staff member or do not want to commit to either side you wear a white lanyard.  I am a blue and I could go up to anybody with a red lanyard and talk with them.  We would have a fruitful and enjoyable discussion. That was so refreshing because how many people can feel that way just in their daily lives.  Walk up to somebody, who they know disagrees with them, and have a conversation like that.

5. Think about why.

Think about why the continued success and survival of this democratic idea depends on people from both sides to work together.  I mean Conservatives have some really good ideas. Progressives have some really good ideas and they also usually share some values. Things like the importance of family and fairness.

Think about why we need to be doing this.  For instance, if Biden wins and democrats carry the U.S. Senate and increase their control of the House of Representatives, a lot of Democrats are probably thinking, “Boy, this will be our chance.” “We’ll reinstate all of those environmental regulations.” “We’ll pack 2 more justices on the supreme court.” Instead, we need to work together. It used to be politicians worked across the aisle.  They would come up with bipartisan legislation that members from both parties could support.  This is when we are at our best as a nation. Rather than with one side thinking they are going to just vanquish the other side because it never happens, it flips back and forth.

Braver Angels Workshops and Debates

Braver Angels hosts several workshops and debates, now many of them are available online. In the interview, Dr. Warshaw shared his experiences with these activities.  He also described how Braver Angels maneuvers around the widespread opinions that come up.  In addition, he explained that all Braver Angels workshops and activities were developed by Dr. Bill Doherty, a family therapist.  Dr. Doherty used family therapy approaches to get Red and Blues to talk with each other during the events.  The following is a compilation of the Braver Angel workshops and debates from our interview.

Red/Blue Workshops

The Red/Blue workshops are small gatherings of roughly the same number of Reds and Blues.  These are the 3 activities of the Red/Blue workshop that Dr. Warshaw reviewed.

1. Stereotyping Exercise

The first one is called the Stereotyping Exercise, where each group thinks of what stereotypes the other group has of them.  They come back together and the Reds and Blues take turns in presenting stereotypes to each other.

2. Fish Bowl

The second activity is called Fish Bowl. In this activity, the Reds sit in a circle and the Blues sit on the outside. While the Reds are answering questions like, “What policies or values about your side do you think make it important to you?” “What reservations do you have about your side?”  The Blues quietly observe, without saying anything, gesturing or shifting uncomfortably while they get to hear the Reds talking about them.  Then they switch places, while the Blues have to answer the same two questions. Except the stereotype presentations neither group has talked directly to the other.

3. Questions of Genuine Curiosity

The third exercise is Questions of Genuine Curiosity, where you just want to know about the other person, the people on the other side.  We don’t just let them jump in for a free for all. We separate the groups again and do what we call curate the questions. They come up with questions they want to ask but we don’t let them ask “gotcha” questions.  We don’t let them ask questions designed to show how illogical or inconsistent or whatever some of these ideas are. They have to be questions of genuine curiosity. Without implying either from your tone or the words you use that you disapprove.  Instead asking, does that concern you? Or how do you feel about that? They ask each other questions and through this process, they develop more empathy.

Red/Blue Workshop In Action

Back in 2016, we did a Red/Blue workshop with undergraduates at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill (UNC-CH).  It was a really small group.  At the beginning of the workshop, they were introducing themselves and stated why they chose to participate in the workshop.  The Blue stated to the Reds, “You guys never say anything on campus. We don’t know what you think.” The Reds said, “That’s because if we did we would be targeted and attacked. We live in a sea of Blue.” That is where they started out, not even talking to one another. 

At the end of the workshop they said, “I didn’t know how much we shared values.” And that always happens, in these workshops. People realize they may start out saying, “ I don’t even want to talk to those people.”  When you listen and learn, more about why people think the way they do, it increases empathy.  Even if you don’t agree on who to vote for.

Braver Angels Debates

Braver Angels Debates are not your grandfather’s debates.  It is not two teams lined up, each trying to defeat the other.  The teams are not looking for inconsistencies in the other side’s arguments, and just trying to win.

In comparison, a Braver Angels’ debate is a conversation designed to get closer to the truth about a resolution. An example of a resolution would be, there should be a concerted effort by the nation over the next ten years to become 90% fossil fuel free. 

There are various techniques used during Braver Angels Debates, it is mainly parliamentary procedure that keeps them very civil.  We also try to make sure that there is some laughter, and some humor. 

There is also someone who chairs the debate. I’ve chaired these debates, it’s lots of fun, and really it’s my favorite Braver Angels activity. We usually have four invited speakers. We go back and forth between the affirmative and negative speakers.  Then the participants have a chance to ask questions.  Their questions are not directed to the speaker, instead all of the participants’ questions are directed to the chair. The chair decides whether the question is appropriate. Determining if the question is designed out of genuine curiosity or is it a “gotcha” kind of question.

Assisting the chair of the debate are people called whips.  The whips help the chair identify people who want to speak. If the whip sees someone that looks like they want to speak but haven’t spoken yet, the whip can chat to them. The whips are their to make the chair’s job easier and to draw out people who may not speak because they are shy or introverted.

Depolarizing Within Workshops

The Depolarizing Within workshop is where you think about your own feelings about the other side and why you have them.  Then you discuss as a group how can you interrupt the tendency for like minded people to demonize and say all kinds of cruel things. For example, “They are a danger to the country,” or “They are a threat to democracy,” or “They are communists.” How can you shift that conversation in a like minded group? That is a good workshop.

Skills for Bridging the Divide Workshops

We have another one called “Skills for Bridging the Divide” in which we teach people some skills.   Some of these include basic communication skills for how to talk with people on the other side. This is a pretty popular workshop around Thanksgiving.  

What Braver Angels is doing for the 2020 Presidential Election

With Malice Toward None

The Braver Angels Alliance of Central North Carolina’s (BAACNC) With Malice Toward None initiative is to decrease the likelihood of violence in the Triangle. (With Malice Toward None is an initiative for communities, and individuals to commit to respecting each other no matter who wins the 2020 Presidential Election.) BAACNC is collaborating with The Carter Center for their With Malice Toward None initiative. The Carter Center monitors elections all over the world.  They ensure that elections are fair and they also do violence prevention surrounding elections.  They’ve never done this in the U.S., until now. 

Along with The Carter Center, BAACNC is collaborating with Cure Violence Global, and Bridging the Divide.  The BAACNC is leading the effort to pull together stakeholders, and opinion leaders, like pastors of faith communities, and officials with non-profits, to establish a network.  Within the network, they identify people in the area who are respected, maybe a newspaper journalist or a faith leader.  BAACNC are asking these people in the community to help provide messaging after the election.  The goal is to make the likelihood of violence much smaller.

Common Ground Townhall Meeting

Additionally, BAACNC is going to host the first “Common Ground Townhall Meeting,” with elected officials.  This workshop is more an investment in the future. Towns used to have townhall meetings, where a leader of the town would speak to the citizens about important issues.  The Common Ground Townhall Meeting, proposed by Braver Angels, modifies and replaces traditional townhall meetings to get citizens to talk with one another.  Which is one of the main things that Braver Angels does, get people who see things differently and can’t talk with each other.  This townhall is the place in which to do that.  Also to let citizens talk with their officials, mayor, police chief, fire chief, members of city council, and others.  As well as to work together to develop some policy ideas that will address problems in the community. 

For our first Common Ground Townhall Meeting, we will host North Carolina Representatives John Torbett (Republican) and Becky Carney (Democrat).  They are the chair and vice chair, respectively, of the Transportation Committee in the NC House of Representatives.  They will be there to hear us mainly talk about the future of transportation and what our ideas are.  A computer application called POLIS will take lists of statements from Red and Blue participants.  Their statements are about what is important to them and their community.  Then the program provides ones where there is most agreement. We will put participants into small breakout groups to talk about these areas of greatest agreement.

I’m excited about both of these campaigns, the collaboration with The Carter Center on violence prevention and The Common Ground Townhall.  To my knowledge no other Braver Angels alliances in the country are doing.  This is kind of breaking some ground. I’m excited about both of these.

Conclusion

Interviewing Dr. Warshaw about Braver Angels sharpened the reality of our political divisions. On the other hand, he shined light on numerous opportunities Braver Angels offers us to mend these divisions.  If you are interested in Braver Angels, check out their calendar of events.  They currently provide several free online events and activities.  You may also become a member and join a local Braver Angels Alliance or volunteer for Braver Angels. 

We don’t have to wait for the final results of the 2020 election to start finding common ground.  You and I can start our work today.  Furthermore, our efforts should continue beyond the outcome of this election.  As Dr. Warshaw explained, the idea of our democracy is dependent on both sides working together.  Therefore, our need to bridge these harsh divides to address climate change demands us all to be a little braver.  

Image Credit: ‘Two colored chairs overlooking the coastline of Victoria,BC.’, By davemantel, Getty Images

 

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